How Can I Tell If I Still Love My Wife?

Dear Sober Dad,

How can I tell if I still love my wife?

—XXX S, Moline, Illinois


Dear Sober Dad,

My wife and I met and got married when I was still drinking. I don’t feel we have that much in common now that I’m sober. She was never much of a drinker, so it’s not about that. We have two kids. Now what?

—Barry J, Tempe, Arizona


Dear XXX and Barry,

I’m answering your questions jointly because they are so deeply related.

I’d like to take you back to my 11th grade English class, where Mr. Jameson had us read the novel, The Bridge of San Luis Rey. The lesson of the book, he taught us, was that in a relationship, it doesn’t always happen that two people love each other the same amount at any one time. Continue reading “How Can I Tell If I Still Love My Wife?”

What’s the Best Way to Express to My Family How I Feel When They Hurt My Feelings?

Dear Sober Dad,

What’s the best way to express to my wife or kids how I feel when they hurt my feelings? I don’t want to be a jerk about it, but at the same time, they need to know.

–Steve T., Fort Myers, Florida


Steve,

I appreciate the fact that you are a true New Age Sensitive guy – I think there’s a song to that effect.

But while your heart is in the right place, I have to question your basic premise.

There’s a rule of marriage I learned early on, and it goes like this: Continue reading “What’s the Best Way to Express to My Family How I Feel When They Hurt My Feelings?”

Sober Dad Asks: Should You Get A Medal For Taking Out The Garbage?

In a word, no.

When I first got married and we had our first child promptly thereafter, all I could think about was how wonderful I was.

Let me give you direct evidence of my wonderfulness.

Every Tuesday night, I rolled the garbage carts down to the street.

Every Wednesday afternoon, I rolled them back up to the side of the house.

On occasions far too numerous to count, I put my plate in the sink.

Sometimes I even scraped it off.

My socks seldom remained on the floor by the side of the bed for more than two days.

I know what you’re thinking.

Sober Dad has set a really high bar for the rest of us. Continue reading “Sober Dad Asks: Should You Get A Medal For Taking Out The Garbage?”

The Sober Dad Weekend Checklist: Nine Ways To Make Your Marriage Great

Seventy percent of the time a married couple spends together takes place on the weekend. This means that calls to sponsors, and topics in AA men’s meetings on Sunday nights and Mondays, typically have to do with what went wrong in the relationship over the previous few days.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

I’d like to share with you a nine-point checklist that, if followed thoroughly, will make your weekend not just bearable but great. Continue reading “The Sober Dad Weekend Checklist: Nine Ways To Make Your Marriage Great”